Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe

I am studying in Chandigarh and my hometown is Delhi. On my last trip to Delhi, train stopped near one of the slums in Delhi and as I gazed outside, I felt ironical at my situation. I was sitting in comforts of Shatabdi and outside women were squatting outside 100 sq ft rooms. Wooden ladders were kept to reach above floor and narrow lanes could be seen. Kids were playing outside frequenting trips on wooden ladders.
This is not the first time that I feel that there was an equal probability that I could have been one of those women. I felt privileged at what I have and guilty of the irony that we are never satisfied by what we have..

First Mid-term mania

My first mid-term just got over and grades for few assignments are also out. Phew! Midterm converted the party quads into hallowed portals of silence with everyone roaming around with an A4 size paper in hand and trying to make 'the' cheat-sheet. To non-ISB readers, yeah we are allowed to carry an A4 size 'furra' with us during exam and we can write anything on it, but believe me it doesn't help. I hardly referred to my cheat sheet during my exams and I can say this on behalf of most of us.

I have this mixed bag of emotions after the mid-term where I feel glad to be done away with them and also feel traumatized at the outcome and more so probably with the thought that end-terms are just 15 days away.

As far as grades are concerned, I deciphered that there are two types of students in the class - Type I and Type II (pardon my statistical jargon but I cannot help but mention it.. ). Type - I stand true to the definition of false positive. These are the helpless geeks who study but cant score. When they participate in class it appears that they will rock the exam but when the exam/ assignment results come they are at the rock bottom. Type - II also sticks to the definition : false negative. These are the ones who you never think are the scoring types but they score full every time.
There might be others who do not fall in either category but unfortunate for them there are only two classifications I am aware of .

Post mid-term was collection of phenomenal parties all over the student village, needless to mention that every second quad was hosting one, people were out with their guitars on the lawns and all over the place singing merrily.

Greedy me .. I am hoping for another such day soon .. (read the end of term :))

Ramblings @ISB

Though everyone you meet who has done an MBA says the same thing – it’s a roller coaster ride, you will not realize how the one year has passed. When I heard this, I thought I understood it but now I know what it actually means. Those who have done an MBA or going through the grind at present would be able to relate what I actually want to say. I have been four weeks into this course and it already seems like ages. Sometime I wonder oh my god, one month has passed. I never noticed but at the same time I feel as if I belonged here always and then there is a sudden panic as to what would happen eleven months later.

Life has no longer been the same since I joined. I am in different world and not just poetically but literally too. I have not had time to miss or think about anything from my life prior to ISB. I don’t even remember what my daily routine was, before coming here. To surprise you all I would mention that I have classes only for four hours a day and that too four days a week  J , Surprised and yes you will think this female is bluffing, she has all the time in world and she tells us that she doesn’t have any, but that is the truth.

This year at ISB is one of those years when I despise the weekend and wait desperately for the week to begin. My only concern usually is my 830 class for which I have to get up at 715-730, otherwise I love weekdays. Weekends are equal to hell where you hopelessly hope for 48 hours in a day. I hardly remember the Friday feeling J.

Those who think that it is difficult to get back to the routine after so much work experience trust me that is not the problem. All of us here have been exceptional in their work-field before and getting back to studies definitely does not seem to be their primary concern. Life is running here, or rather I should say time is no longer in my control. I so want to pause and take a good long look at what is happening in my life, retrospect and move on with grace and panache But,,, there is always a but J.  My ethereal desire is going to remain so.

I love this place and as much I love it I almost hate it. It’s a very different feeling hard to explain but only those who have been a part of it would be able to relate to.

FDI or no FDI - Nation is falling apart

Government has got mixed response from various fields on its decision to implement FDI in retail. After carefully reading the clauses and dwelling on why government took this decision, I fail to understand opposition against FDI. To those of you reading this blog and un-aware of what FDI actually stands for, here is a brief description:

FDI means foreign direct investment where foreign companies look for cheaper avenues in other countries and invest money in production and services. They gain because their production cost is cheaper spelling out more profits for them than their native countries. The host country where they invest is benefited for the population gets lucrative employment opportunities and foreign currency inflow. China is one of the most sought after location for FDI in manufacturing. FDI commonly exists in form of joint ventures. FDI is already allowed in India in various sectors such as services, telecommunication, construction activities and computer software and hardware. According to Ernst and Young, foreign direct investment in India in 2010 was $44.8 billion, and in 2011 experienced an increase of 13% to $50.8 billion. India has seen an eight-fold increase in its FDI in March 2012. So what has now been introduced is allowing FDI in few more sectors such as in aviation up to 49%, in Broadcast sector up to 74%, in multi-brand retail up to 51% and in single-brand retail up to 100%.

What government has announced is nothing catastrophic, nothing new. Government wanted to introduce it in Nov 2011, but could not. The current global sentiment on India is that of pessimism. We are burdened with fiscal deficit. Rupee is losing against dollar. For every rupee lost against dollar, we are debted with 8000 Crore rupees more. Why this is happening is a matter of grave concern and of debate rather than the solution proposed to counter this problem. With dipping investment grades, allowing FDI in other sectors is a desperate attempt to improve our global position and maintain investors faith and allow markets to heal, hoping for steady recovery of rupee.

For those who have apprehensions that FDI in retail will kill local grocers’ business, why do they think that FDI would do it? We already have Indian chain of super-stores and marts such as Big Bazaar and Reliance, and although they have been doing well, they still form only 4% of this business. What magic wand would foreign investors use for snatching away business from un-organised retail or organised retail? If organised retail had to kill local business then it would already have happened in capable hands in Indian business giants. We do not need a foreign entity to do that. To those who argue that locally manufactured products would be outdone by cheaper substitutes from other nations, have they been blind to 'Chinese' replicas of every product - be it games or mobile.

What Foreign investors can help improve upon is the much helpless state of farmers. In the whole chain of transferring produce from farms to actual outlets, Farmers are exploited most and needless to add they suffer most.

FDI can be a godmother to such farmers, eliminating the middle-men and improving upon much needed infrastructure. Pre-conditions to FDI in India seem fair enough to achieve what India actually wants.
Conditions state that FDI can only proceed with a minimum investment of $100 million and that too 50% of the investment is to be in back-end infrastructure development. 30% of all raw material has to be procured from India's small and medium industries. There is permission to set up malls only in cities with a minimum population of 10 lakhs. Products should be sold under the same brand internationally. Foreign investor should be the owner of the brand.
If FDI were to be allowed 'honestly' with given set of pre-conditions then we surely can expect some benefit.

The question on FDI should not be whether it should be allowed or not but rather it should be if FDI can achieve, what is expected to. FDI is expected to improve India's global position and help rupee climb the ladder. Surely FDI can bail us out temporarily, but we need to strengthen ourselves from core to make a permanent impact. 

The reasons for our continuously going down with our debts and poor performance of rupee need tough investigation and analysis. Why our imports increasing and exports falling. Despite being an agricultural nation primarily, why are we short of our produce and need to import. Climate and monsoon no doubt are big spoilers but not the only reasons. Bad roads or rather no Roads, lack of adequate storage facilities, under-performing railways add cost everywhere. What are state governments doing? Where is the taxpayer’s money going? Why political scamsters and frauds still free? Why there is no strict punishment against those who break the law? Why no justice has been provided in corruption cases? This is just the tip of iceberg. I and surely you can go on and on, on why India is under performing despite our best attempts. And this is what we expect government to do. This is what we expect our opposition to find answers to. Why Arvind Kejriwal is the one whistle-blowing on government officials. Why the opposition could not do this task so far? This is UPA's second term. What has been opposition been doing since long?

It’s a pity that of all the political scandals which the government has done, Opposition finds FDI worthy enough to pull out their supports. Why did not they pull out support when Coalgate was exposed, when CWG sham was highlighted, when 2G scam came into picture?
Opposition using FDI as their elections manifesto is a sad representation of sorry state of affairs our country is into. It is also symbolic of how politicians still want to take advantage of ignorant and un-aware masses.
It saddens me to core of my heart at this situation. We are failing as a nation not just because of our government but also because of absence of a good opposition. 

Aankhon hi aankhon mein kare baatein..

Bollywood restored my faith in itself by churning out the sweet dish- Barfi. After a long array of movies either advocating mindless violence or portraying non-sense dirty jokes, Barfi comes as a wonderful respite. For the director who made films such as Life in a metro, Gangster it os only deserving to make an entry for Oscar nomination.
I agree that scenes have been copied from "The notebook" or should I say inspired, but nonetheless it has been a successful attempt at portraying the same scenes within Indian cinema. Very few directors in the history have been successful at adapting a different cinema and showing it to Indian audiences.
Each scene in the movie has been inter-woven wonderfully with the characters doing perfect justice to each scene. The movie has very few dialogs, the hero can barely speak his own name and the actress just calls out his name on few occasions which the hero cannot even listen (he is born deaf and dumb), but the journey on which director takes you across and into their lives leaves you speechless and wanting for more.Unless someone points, you will not realize that you have been listening to the background score for so long. Music is the soul of this movie. The story stretched to a good 2.5 hours and the audience is left mesmerized and touched by their lives.
At so many instances in the movie, I felt overwhelmed by the fact that the actor cannot listen, and wished secretly that may be at some point he could have. The story takes the audience through the characters lives and audience cries, laughs along with them. There is sympathy, anger, love and compassion ebbing out from the audience as the characters go through varous phases in their lives. It will be worthy to mention that Ranbir and Priyanka have done a fabulous job at acting out their characters.

 There is a good feeling after the movie. It is as if you have known the characters personally. It feels that they are a part of your life and you want to know more. Anurag has strategically given the movie the mystery edge ,  the romantic bent and the comic element at the perfect timing. The movie never feels long. It just feels right. After the movie you would never say "this scene was not required" or what was the purpose of this scene.

After a long time , a MUST Watch.

Itti si hansi
Itti si khushi
Itta sa tukda chand ka
Khwabon ke tinkon se
Chal banayeinn aashiyaan ....

Mirror Mirror, tell the truth!

So often, I see posts/messages/pictures where a group of hooligans are indulging in vandalisation and arson of  public/communal property. Two thoughts instantly cross my mind : If this is true and if it is then why are they doing it? Did the person who posted the pic actually verified it or is it just a trick of photoshop.

My heart is filled with sadness to see mob participating in such hooliganism and I wonder about their intent and purpose.
What benefit of ideology does one derive in destruction, loot and killing of fellow men. How do they justify rape and killing of women in light of the "so-called" bigger purpose for which they are fighting?
Of course the leader of the group is reveling in the success of his power game and planning strategy to further loot the nation but why doesn't the "mob" realize it. Why don't they realize that they are just pawns in the hands of the others who are purely motivated by selfish prospects.

There is growing dilemma and disbelief and the heart tosses between faith and so-called facts. My humanist heart does not believe the pictures I see and try to convince that they may be morphed and some power hungry groups are indulging in dirty politics trying to play the age-old divide and rule the innocent gullible population. In the recent north-east fiasco, my doubts have been proved true when fake SMSs started doing the rounds to ignite anger and penetrate fear in the heart of north east Indians residing in other states of country. I felt further convinced when Govt blocked some 89 pages on social networking site Facebook and found that some 20% were posted by Hindu groups in name of Muslim community.

Not that I am a big of the current government but seriously, is this the only tactic left to win over votes and elections? Don't the propagators realize communal riots once initiation will start a fire which will engulf the entire population of India. Don't they realize that Secularism and diversity is the basic fabric of our nation. Whether India should have been a secular state or not, whether the decision to make India Secular at time of independence was right or wrong, irrespective of that , we are now a Secular nation with people of different religions , cast , cultures and languages. And the problems are to be dealt with this basic fact in our minds. We should stop fighting on what happened in past , but try to understand present and  try to make the best out of it. It is still not late. We are still not finished with our natural resources. We can still make the best use of it rather than wasting them in arson and vandalisation. We have limited resources left with so many mouths to feed. Government and politicians should  behave responsibly and try to find rational and logical solutions to our problems.

Who are you to decide whether I should live or die

Imagine your life suddenly taking a twist and you becoming bed ridden for the rest of your life. How will life be when you have to be dependent on others for the most basic necessities of life?
How will you feel when you are paralyzed below your neck and cannot move your legs?
The only thing which you can do is lie on the bed whole day, stare at the ceiling fan , cannot go out to see the sunshine , to feel the rain drops and to smell the air. You cannot get up for your basic ablutions and have to wait when someone will come over and carry you there.

Un-imaginable.. right?
Yes, we cannot imagine our life like this for split of a second  but think of those who are actually dragging on with such a life. What is wrong if they wish to die a peaceful death rather than die each day?
Forget the financial angle, the moral angle just think of the agony which the person goes through each day, waits on his bed and waits for his days of life to get over. With what hope do we motivate terminally ill patients to live -- with the hope that their death will come soon?
It souds tragic that only death can help them get rid of the chronic pain and suffering and it feels even more tragic when we cannot do anything about it.
I have a question to those who are of the opinion that how can you willigly let go of your loved ones -  With what definition you proclaim them to be your loved one when your love for him/her is limited to your selfish interests. With what aspirations you want to keep the loved one alive when you cannot provide a day's happiness to him/her? With what right you call yourself the loved one when the only thing you care about is yourself?


Tony Nicklinson lost his right-to-die in a british court.
Everytime someone loses such a battle in court,  the so-called ruling mocks at  the entire judicial system that promises justice to one and all.
It raises doubts and gives birth to apprehensions on humanity. Whatever happened to compassion and kindness. Did god send us for this? During nights, will our conscience give us the beauty sleep we need?
It is high time now that we revisit the laws, and make the world a better place to live, and peace to those who are dying each day in the name of life.

Back again :)

So I am writing after a long long time
I have been thinking of writing down for the past two months I suppose.. .and I have a long list of things in my mind to write about.. let’s see if I remember all that and am able to write it down

** Added later : All three blog posts are not about the topics on which i wanted to write so my list is still pending and will be completed in November ; I have promised it to myself

Open Book is not cheating

The thought of writing this blog came to my mind while I was writing my last exam today ;
There were discussions going on in class while examination was going on and the school teacher shouted back : “Cheating ke liye kitaabein de to di hai, aur kya chiaye ”(You have books ; what else do you need to cheat)
And I wanted to write on this topic at that very moment ; which is this that open book examination is not cheating ;
People have this tendency to smirk and reply back “oh Its an open book exam “ and what is the benefit of examination if you are provided with books ; and I completely fail to understand why people still live in the world where examination equals memory power ;
Examination is to examine whether you posses the knowledge or the right skill ; and whether you have understood the subject by heart ; so in life whenever you encounter any such thing ; how will you react ; and to the best of my knowledge I think books only help us in proving that yes we know it right ;
Critics of Open book forget that in practical life you are provided with best of all the resources you wish to access;
What is required is a thorough understanding of subject ; concept ; logical flow and the correct aptitude towards the subject and not how well we are able to memorize the words in book and produce it back ;
There is nothing wrong with referring to a book and mind you after giving four exams I can bet in saying that you cannot afford to study the book for the first time in exam ; you can only take advantage of an open book examination if you have thoroughly gone through the book ; know what is the flow of thoughts and contents by your own index not by the book’s .
Teachers who set the paper are not fools. They realize the difference and hence the paper;
Yes you are a bit more relaxed ; less pressurized as you know the book is with you ; and your creativity while writing long essays goes for a toss as you always think that the book has better answers :P

My first semseter again :)

So Semester ends and I am a happy happy soul today.

It’s such a relief when you realize that your exams are done and you enjoy some break ;

Today while coming back from my exam centre I thought of writing down my entire first semester experience which has been amazingly wonderful till now.

Studying after a long time has been fun and hectic. Although my close friends would not agree on the fun part because they know how much I bug them just before the exam night when I know nothing and panic bug settles inside.

So studying again after a sabbatical of exact two years has been associated with a lot of enthusiasm ; brimming excitement to meet new people ; and then I almost overflow with joy at times realizing that after the end of this course I would be awarded with an MS degree ;

Practically I don’t have much expectations from this degree as such or what this degree does to my CV but had I not been doing this course I would have crossed two more years of my life ; value adding nothing to my life so I am more than happy adding something to my life ;

First Day:

So I have missed the most fun part of my course which is that my classes are held at India Habitat Centre, Lodi road J Ye YE

Well I started writing about IHC and it seems it is material for a separate blog post which you can find here.

So I reached the place with slight nervousness ; enthusiasm brimming to meet new people and the joy of starting something new in my life; First day was just a inaugural session and my joy doubled when I realized the constitution of my class;

I think that is with any post graduation course ; my batch has people varying from different backgrounds : software engineers to civil engineers ; engineers to academia ; top class executives to one year experienced ; from Army colonels to Writers ; from Chartered Accountants to speakers;

The batch is rich in content; in experience and most of all in people :)

It becomes a lively session during the classes when there are discussions going around; people interpret things according to their experience and ask questions;

So overall I am enjoying the course; loving visiting IHC ; relishing food at Eatopia ; and basking in the glory that I am doing MS :P except that examinations get too hectic ; Have to give 4 exams in two days and at those precise moments of despair and panic I wonder why on earth did I join this course ;

IHC My new Love :)

The Place is just Awesome and whenever I visit the place I fall in love with the place again and again , all over :)

It’s so damn calm; serene ; soothing and gives you such a nice feel ;

This blog is about IHC : the place which I am visiting too often these days :)

As I enter there are colorful fountains on both the sides which are operated in the evening only; there are tall long trees giving a peaceful aura which make you love the place;

The place is an architectural marvel ; even in months of July when you pass the centre of IHC a cool breeze welcomes you ; and you feel so refreshed ;

IHC is one of the reasons that I long to attend my classes apart from the fact that I enjoy half of my sessions and sleep through half of them :P

There is a nice amphitheatre just in front of my building ; the one where Rang De Basanti was shot and on weekends (just the precise time when I have my classes )there are plays and play rehearsals going on;SO sometimes in the evening claas the background music of play flows into our years and I get excited to get down and have a look;

Another attraction is Eatopia : the food court where we lunch and gossip and share information about each other ;

There is a lotus pond with big red fish inside just outside the Stein Auditorium;

You can sit quietly on one of stairs ; or anywhere in the compound and silently do anything ; observe people ; write some stuff ; paint ; do poetry ; chat with friends or just sit silently with your counterpart ; or may be do nothing ;

There is American Diners on the other side where the elite are either entering into marital bliss or getting engaged and you can be a mute spectator to the pretty females walking around clad in designer lehengas and sarees

There are exhibitions going around ; art photography ; everything

Life becomes so relaxed and at leisure when you enter IHC ; Life outside is running at a different pace ; at a pace where everyone is running blindly and does not have time for himself lest for anything else and as I enter IHC time seems to stop for me

I want to just sit there; be a part of the building and stand still; be a silent observer to everything.

I wonder.....

I wonder whether my present will serve as some inputs to my tomorrow...
I wonder whether my today will contribute in my purpose for life...
I wonder whether I am wasting time and may be i will have to begin agresh again....
I wonder for how long will it go...
I wonder for how long will I be able to hold on....
Life seems drab... and a questionmark....

There are times when life is hectic...You just hop along the life's path.....

You just immerse yourself in the work... keep going the way life expects you to....
There are times when you don't think before doing and don't relate things to the purpose of your life... Just keep on doing stuff.. because you are expected to...
You associate your daily routine to be your life's objectives and keep on doing the chores without thinking.....

And suddenly in a moment of loneliness you reflect upon life's course and at that moment precisely panic sets in.

Sometimes I realize that I am running away from things in my life by just being busy and by giving excuses to being busy in work so that I dont have time alone and I dont have to face myself alone....

Loneliness is scary and gets scarier when you are realize that the things which you are doing are not related to your purpose in life or at Worst you dont know what is the purpose in life...

I have met and heard my other freinds speaking so....
And I conclude that we all pass this phase in life... and One day we all will read these pages of my blog as some memories... reflect upon these times and feel mature ; proud and satisfied :)

**Well these are some lineswhich I just felt like writing.... this blog is not edited... You might find some thought process missing... The are just random thoughts...

ऐसे ही...

तुझसे नाराज़ नहीं ज़िन्दगी, हैरान हूँ मैं
ओ हैरान हूँ मैं....
तेरे मासूम सवालों से परेशान हूँ मैं
ओ परेशान हूँ मैं....

जीने के लिए सोचा ही न था, दर्द संभालने होंगे
मुस्कुराऊँ तो, मुस्कुराने के क़र्ज़ उतारने होंगे
मुस्कुराऊँ कभी तो लगता है....
जैसे होंतोंं पे क़र्ज़ रखा है
तुझसे ...

आज अगर भर ई है, बूँदें बरस जायेंगी
कल क्या पता इनके लिए आखें तरस जाएँगी
जाने कहाँ गम कहाँ खोया
एक आंसू छुपके रखा था
तुझसे ...

ज़िन्दगी तेरे गम ने हमें रिश्ते नए समझाये
मिले जो हमें धुप मैं मिले छाँव के ठंडे साए

White Waters.........

Friend : Rafting – ke liye chalegi ?

Self : Hmm… wow Rafting… company..kaun kaun jaa raha hai

F : Team ke log hain… personal banega…chalna ho to btaa diyo….

S : Hmm sochti hun… shayad mushkil hoga…

This was the exact conversation between me and a friend through whom I could go for rafting. It was group of 36 people out of whom I barely knew 7 of us. And it took a lot of convincing and coercing amongst all of us to actually make this trip happen.

Before I start my drooling over the trip-fun let me give you slight details as to what exactly we did.

We went to haridwar via train ; Hired our own bus towards byasi ; we had our tents there ; we begin rafting from this place till rishikesh and returned back to byasi via bus again. Had bonfire in the night. Rock-climbing and Rappelling, the next morning. Water splashing till afternoon. Lunch at rishikesh and back to haridwar and then to delhi.

The trip was fun. Awesome!

Amazingly thrilling and wonderful.

The best experience I could ever have.

One of the best weekends spent.

The place was amazingly serene and calm. The water in river-ganga did some magic to me. I anyway love water and was thrilled with the idea of water surrounding me throughout. Right from The moment I entered Byasi where our tents were I was mesmerized by the serene calm water flowing just where I was staying. I was overwhelmed with the clean green water flowing in front of my eyes. The feeling cannot be expressed in terms of words. The experience is just beyond expression of words.

The scene is so vividly etched in my memory. It is difficult to describe the exhilaration that my heartfelt at the scene present.

When the actual rafting began my heart pounded with excitement and with each wave splashing at us, my heart leaped with joy. As the raft would go down and I would see the wave coming at us, I literally trembled with sheer excitement.

We would come down the raft and float in water and feel weightless; enjoy the sun; enjoy the water and have the fun of floating.

And the most adventurous part of the rafting trip was cliff jumping in the end. So there was this 25-30 ft high cliff and we had to jump off the cliff and hit the river on sole discretion of gravity. This part is actually beyond description of words. The Brief moment when I was mustering courage to jump off was probably the only moment in my life mixed with excitement ; fear and courage as well.

The moment I led myself lose in the river; my brain screamed as to what I had done and this is the end. For the two seconds in which I dived into water I felt exhilarated and extremely joyous at the mere sight that I am all surrounded with water and I am inside the river.

Those few moments cut from the outside world and where you could actually relate yourself to the sheer excitement of the moment will always remain memorable.

Ahh ! I have already started missing them.

Another experience was the time in Night. The star studded sky with more than half moon ; no other source of light ; huge mountains that seemed like two infinite caves to me(sounds scary and funny both ) ; sound of river splashing against the rocks ; tides slowly increasing the river level ; the water in river flashing against the moonlight ; and wet cool sand below your feet ; the dampness and coolness in the air and I enjoyed this panorama of nature while I was lying down on the wet sand just beneath the star-studded sky.

Memorable.

The next day with friends in the river was equally fun. Splashing water at each other --to be precise the victim was me: all of them splashed and pushed me in the river and revengefully I splashed the sand because that seemed to be the only defense weapon available that time.

This trip was amazing and awesome for many reasons.

Nature – its beauty;
Water – its magic;
Rafting – the experience;
cliff jumping – the thrill;
Friends – their company;
Trip— The Adventure;
All this gives Life -- A new perspective.

The Privileged Few:

This thought came to my mind while I was returning from Delhi to Noida. Most of the thoughts either come to me while I am reading something or travelling; may be because when you are travelling you are in your most blank state of mind and things come and strike you. The simple blank reality just hits you on your face.

So Bright Lazy Reluctant Monday Morning and I have to go to Noida from my home.

Usually when you wake up, your mind is terse from the upcoming tensions in the day; you are thinking about office ; There are so many topics for us to crib about :promotions ; biases ; recession ; traffic ; money management ; Savings ; Future ;Career ; and all sorts keep on revolving in your mind and they somehow usually come to me on Monday mornings. I do not know about others but this is the way it is for me. Travelling from Delhi to Noida is a 1.25 hour drive and it gives me ample amount of time to think about my life; its course and where I am heading next. I know it is a bad way to begin your week but this is the truth.

Sometimes while rushing out of my home; I also happen to glance at the newspaper and sometimes (do remember it’s only sometimes) thinking about how politicians manipulate everything to their advantage and benefit.
About Communalism.
About religion wars.
About Country Economy .
About Inflation.
About Crime. ( Don’t be terrified. I do this thinking sometimes).

And when my thinking has almost reached to the level where panic can set inside me ; we cross ISBT.

And we cross these beggars (must be some 200 in number) lined up with their rags thinking of arranging their daily diet. And I am slapped with the stark reality of life. I feel ashamed at the contrast.

Here we are who have some fixed amount of money to reach us and there they are who don’t even know if they will have their diet today or not. I observe them and try to think as to what would have happened in their life that they are in this state. There are so many of them; some waking up ; some still wrapped up in their old torn dirty blankets (in hot summer mornings as well). Hair Shabby. Some of them don’t seem to even make an attempt to wake up and find , arrange for a meal.

And I wonder at the contrast in my life and their life.

And I wonder at the political scenario where politicians are fighting for religion ; religious structure demolishment .

They force me to think what religion these beggars have and how important is religion to them and how would it make any difference if they belonged to any specific religion.

All of this forces me to think who the privileged is or the un-privileged few?
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Missing-Musings

I miss you Delhi. I miss the roads, the paths and the familiar ways,
I miss my friends; those hot summer afternoons and those long days.
I miss my family .I miss the familiar corners of my home,
And then I want to shrink and be alone.
I miss the travel although it was hectic,
At least then the contents of my life were eclectic.
I do have friends here; love the way I can spend my time in hobbies,
But amidst all of them I am suddenly filled with nostalgia and memories.
I have moved out; will continue to move away …
But the way to Delhi: my home would remain the most familiar way.

Love you Delhi

About Life....The busy life....

Looong break.

Ah well not exactly a break but I could not get a break to write this.
So lot of activities have been keeping me pre-occupied: The office Activities ; some personal work going along ; then there was this rishikesh trip ; then a trip with family to Madhya Pradesh and then as soon as I returned I had 2 back to back presentations in office and then there is this upcoming Dance competition in office which has been keeping me hugely busy. Also there was this college best friend wedding to attend.

But I have promised myself that I will be regular in writing blog from now on ; also keeping in touch with old friends and family members as well… Also for long I have not been reading books so avidly as I used to and I promised this as well. I would paint. I would chat and gossip with old friends. May be meet a few of them.
Lets see If I can keep up these promises I made to myself.

And why do you think that I have suddenly jotted down this list of promises: I have been getting busier and busier in work schedule and in my own life and in the process I Have un-knowingly ignored people who mattered to me a lot and who still matter to me but I just do not remember calling them.

Life does go on becoming like that. Is it just with me or is it that everyone tends to follow the same pattern or is it the way people “move-on” in life. When I think of the last option, it does leave me alone with a lot of sadness around me and then I want to shrink in my own core. And I want to give a sincere try to feel and reason otherwise so the list of promises. I have also set-up calendar reminders for the same.
:)

Let’s see if I am able to reason out with myself.
And If you are one of those who have been victim of my un-intentional ignorance; friends I still love you and miss you and would soon catch up with you again. I have not moved on from you guys.

Peace.

“Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.”

“It's so lonely when you don't even know yourself.”

Long period of silence …. And now I feel like writing again…. So there has been too much of activity or may be inactivity in my life in this year… and past two months have taught me so much about life; responsibilities; courage; expectations; world behavior; politics around you ; and stuff like that ; The heavy words of life which we normally used in essays and could hear in abundance from our elders/parents could be experiences thyself. No NO…this is not a depressing blog or documentary on responsibilities for that matter but just a reflection of my thought process which I have undergone.

In general I have always felt that the time after colleges is the time in a person’s life when everyone feels lonely at a point of time. Especially moving out of your home to another place makes you realize the loneliness ; Past 4 weeks , I felt so bugged up with work and stuff going in my life that sometimes I just felt like closing my eyes to everything; become deaf; dumb; blind and just close myself from the outside world.

Things just seem dull, drab and boring. Life seemed to have stopped. Not that I am being a dull person with no activity around me; have been watching all latest movie flicks; listening to good music and also continue to have fun from my dance classes and meeting up people around me but still everything seemed to fall in a dull routine; and at the end of the day you fell lonelier than ever.

SO I work hard in day; get tired and go home to sleep but contrary to normal eco-system rules; my mind runs inversely proportional to the physical stamina of my body. Meaning which the more tired I am in the day the more I get prone to insomnia in the night. And I lie all wide awake with my eyes wide open and my mind running in all directions with the speed of light.

But curiously, I have spoken to some more friends of mine and they have shared the same sentiments about loneliness. That life becomes dead after some time and you have to start living it all over again and it is just a phase of life which will pass away sooner or later.

But the important thing during the entire stretch is not forgetting to live the moment which you have and always being on a lookout for ways to live life. SO despite the fact that I have felt lonelier and cut-off from world (because of several reasons); have had my first rendezvous with independent loneliness, I have learnt to maximize every fun opportunity I have got. And the bonus point is this that you always come out being more mature and stronger than the person you were.

So this blog is not for cribbing about loneliness but to tell my friends that you are not alone there in your spree of loneliness. 

“Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.”

A Date with Rock...

This Wednesday was my date with turquoise cottage.

So here I towed with a friend of mine who is a huge TC fan; and whenever I used to refer to TC she was just gaga over the place; And I used to wonder what is so special about this bar; To me all bars and pubs are the same: Dark and dingy with people jostling for space; huge noise and overcrowded places with smoke flowing around.

But still I went to this place just to have a feel of what is different.
So I enter and find my way upstairs to a semi-lit room with tables neatly arranged on one side(Found it quite unlike many bars and pubs where you are served on couches) .The décor gives a feeling as if you are sitting in some 80’s bar. Old guitars and pickle cans arranged on top. Entire furnishing being wooden. An old bike lying in the corner with stools beside to enjoy the place. I forgot to have a picture clicked there 

It is spacious, has Easier access to the bar, and bigger dance-floor, and with elegant civilized crowd inside. And the best part of it: it’s Music. Its music is unlike the metallic loud music in other bars but nice rock music which penetrates you and makes you feel lighter. The music is not which you enjoy if you have a good mood but it is the music which makes your mood great.
I was not a rock music fan before it but TC made me love it.

I am not into drinking but I certainly like the place for its ambience and music. The people seemed nice; non-interfering rather non-bothering. You come; enjoy the music and shake a leg at the melodious hip-hop rock playing; have something nice (the cuisine is oriental)and then leave all Ye Ye.


I want to come again TC.

January 2009

Life teaches you so many lessons in one go…
And probably the time which life chooses to teach you hard lessons is the time of transitions in your life.

I have been a part of huge transitions in my life; sometimes actively involved and sometimes passively dragged. And it is not just my own life. Am seeing people around me; of my age;… who have been undergoing similar phases in their lives.
And I realize this is the most crucial and important part of our lives when we learn to take decisions. We are suppose to take decisions which will affect our entire lives: our entire course of career; and probably our future.

With few incidents happening with people around me; I have learnt many lessons….
Probably I cannot list out all of them but the most important thing I realized was this that you should not be so dependent on anyone that if the person leaves you cannot stand on your own. It hurts. It still hurts to realize this conclusion and that you should not be relying on the most reliable person of my life. Isn’t it ironical?

Another lesson which still pinches my heart is this that circumstances can play such an important role in your life. They can be so powerful. They are still very powerful. They can ruin and change anyone’s life. You have to bend against them. They are superior.

The things which your are afraid of your entire life ; there is not a remote chance that you won’t face it; you will have to face it sooner or later. You should not or you cannot try doing it. There is nothing in this world which you should not be scared of.

And that the people whom you think are your friends may or may not be your friends. They may be your friends but totally incapable of handling your situation and that does not make them a lesser friend. And then you have to learn to maintain you trust in them and still move on with your life Alone….
And that whatsoever may come; you should always keep doors open for new friends to move in and take responsibility of your lives.